Tree-Changed But Well Arranged.

First published in The Skinny – 01/12/08

Isn’t it lovely, the countryside? As you holiday in bucolic splendour, the scuttle and scurry of the local fauna, the glorious spectacle of the native flora, the cute little tumbled-down shacks that draw the eye of the more seasoned home renovator, the kilometer upon kilometer upon dusty, parched kilometer of serenity and surprisingly fine coffee served at every turn are enough to make you want to leave your inner-city nook far behind forever, but here’s the thing – you have be qualified.

The hardy souls that live and work in rural and regional Victoria are highly trained individuals; for example, that lone figure traipsing across the field is not a farmer – it’s a set designer with a Melbourne University Fine Arts Degree on her way to make sure the rotting timbers of that fixer-upper are artfully arranged just so.

And the crusty old characters you met at the pub last night? NIDA graduates using their expensive educations to convince you, the idle motorist, that rusticity prevails throughout the land – as soon as you left the bar they all started critiquing their performances – ‘I felt very centered, Nigel’ – and writing tomorrow’s skit about mending the vicar’s roof.

The native-born yokels have shifted to the cities where their talents for eradicating trees, building brick veneer bungalows and generally being practical are far more appreciated, but for those doomed to scratch a living out of the arts, well, they have to go where the work is, and this is why it is now possible to buy a decent ‘latte even in rural Victoria’s most god-forsaken ditch – the Victorian government’s Culture and Heritage Preservation grants may mean the difference between life and death, but there are some things former residents of Fitzroy just will not go without.